| Forgiving When It Hurts |
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Have you ever been so hurt or disappointed by someone that you could feel your heart ache? Sometimes tears immediately well up in your eyes after someone has hurt you. Other times, anger burns inside you. Elsie Dinsmore experienced hurt and disappointment from people many times during her life. In those times Elsie would turn to the Bible, the instruction book for her life, and read the words of Jesus telling her to forgive those who had hurt her. One such incident was in Elsie's Endless Wait when Elsie was forced to give up to Enna the purse she had spent weeks knitting as a special going away present for Miss Rose. Elsie cried bitterly and her grief and anger at the injustice were great. Elsie probably felt just a small amount of the anger and outrage that Joseph felt when his brothers stripped him of his coat, threw him into a pit in the desert, and sold him as a slave to some Ishmaelite traders. The story of Joseph's life is found in Genesis 37-50. Yet, despite the great pain and anger their action caused him, and the many years he suffered in an Egyptian prison, Joseph somehow eventually found the strength to forgive his brothers for the great evil they had done against him. When he finally confronted them years later, although he had the perfect opportunity to get revenge on them, he said: "I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.... So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God. You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. (Ge. 45:4-8, 50:19-21) Joseph gives us a powerful example of forgiveness. He forgave his brothers fully from the heart and he then provided for them and their children. What does it mean to forgive someone? When you forgive someone it means you are choosing to release them from the anger in your heart for the way they have offended you. When you hold anger in your heart toward someone, it is as if your anger puts them in a prison. Imagine your anger being the rod iron bars to a jail cell. This anger holds the person who offended you as a prisoner inside your heart for the way they have treated you. But Jesus commands us in His Word to forgive them - to release them from the prison in our heart. For a Parable about Unforgiveness, look up and read Matthew 18:23-35 in your Bible. How many times do I forgive someone? In Matt. 18:21, Peter asked "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me?" "Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times seven." Peter must have had someone who had offended him to ask Jesus that question. In fact, that person must have offended Peter more than once and he thought surely there must be a limit to the number of times I have to forgive. Jesus corrected Peter and said to multiply that number times seventy. This meant that Peter was to forgive this person every time he was wronged, no matter how many times. What happens if I don't forgive someone? When anger stays in our heart for a long time, it then turns to bitterness. Bitterness is like poison in our heart. The Bible warns us about bitterness - "See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled." Hebrews 12:15. Just as poison inside of your body could slowly kill you, bitterness in your heart can slowly "kill" your heart by causing it to become hardened and incapable of feeling tenderness. Forgiveness is hard, who can help me? Forgiveness doesn't happen naturally, we have to depend on God, the Holy Spirit and the Bible to help us, just as Elsie depended on God, the Holy Spirit and the Bible when she had to forgive Enna and Arthur for their constant mistreatment of her. WHAT PRINCIPLES HELPED ELSIE TO FORGIVE WHEN IT HURT? 1. Elsie Remembered the Greatest Act of Forgiveness, When Jesus Died On The Cross For Her Sins, And Understood How Much SHE Needed To Be And Had Been Forgiven. Ro. 5:7-8 - Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 2. Elsie Knew That God Required Her To Forgive Others in Order For Her to be Forgiven. Matt. 6: 14-15 - For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. 3. Elsie Realized That Those Who Sinned Against Her Did Not Really Understand What They Were Doing. In Lk. 23:32, Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Like Joseph, He was able to forgive those that had so viciously sinned against Him. 4. Elsie Knew The Danger of Letting Satan Get A Foothold Through Unforgiveness. 2 Cor. 2:5-11 - If anyone has caused grief....instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.... If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him...in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes. Pr. 17:9- He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. Eph. 4:31-32 - Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Pr. 4:23 - Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. 5. Elsie Looked for God's Purposes In Her Suffering. In Ge. 50:19-21, Joseph said, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good…" The Principles That Helped Elsie Can Help You Too! When someone has offended you, take the principles listed above to heart. Immediately go to God in prayer and ask Him to help you forgive the person. Here is an example of a prayer you might pray: Dear God, You know what happened between me and ______. (Though God knows exactly what happened, feel free to talk about the situation to Him if you would like.) Lord, I feel angry and hurt by this situation and I need the help of your Holy Spirit to forgive her [or him]. I ask you to forgive me for my anger and I ask that you would fill me with your love for ________. Please heal the hurt and pain I feel and help me to feel compassion toward ___________.
Then go to the Bible and read verses on forgiveness (the ones mentioned above are a good place to start). The Bible says that when we put the Word of God in our heart, it keeps us from sin. So continue to read your Bible verses daily, and continue to pray. It may take some time, but if you are sincere, soon you will find that the poison of unforgiveness has been washed out of your heart by God's Holy Spirit! As God leads you to, and when you feel you are ready, renew your relationship with the other person by initiating friendly conversation with them or reaching out to them in some other kind way. When all is said and done, you just might find that, like Elsie and Joseph, your heart of love toward the other person has grown bigger despite the pain and hurt you suffered. |